Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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