This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
