Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
