New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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