I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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