come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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