Yo dont text me then not text me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
