Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
