I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so explain again why im purple
no
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
