I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize