This is not my ceiling
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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