What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
