dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
