Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
