I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
