i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
that is very illegal...i love you.
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