so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
