cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
