I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
