I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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