literally had 100 drinks last night.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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