i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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