just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
