Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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