he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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