At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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