So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there was a trapeze. enough said
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
