I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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