bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Screwed.edu
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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