He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
