Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
