Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
