Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize