just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
