I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
