If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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