I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
