Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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