Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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