Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
