I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
