Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
