Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
