I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
