Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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