Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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