hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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