I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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