Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
