if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
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