I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
