Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
