Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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