The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
