Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She said her name was "party"
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
