we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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