Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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