mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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