The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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