my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
