i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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