Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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