Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
