my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
