dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
