I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
