We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it's like iHOP with fire
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
