We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
