You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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