I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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