shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sorry about my life...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
