These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
