I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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