I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
People in love make me want to vomit
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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