my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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