he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
